On Second Thought-What to do with Intrusive Thoughts

OH NO! I wonder if my boss took that thing I said the wrong way…am I going to get fired? I’m not sure I look so great anymore…is my husband going to cheat on me? Is he already?

Maybe I shouldn’t have included so many people on that e mail…did I say too much? Is my child really sleeping soundly or did he stop breathing and I don’t even know it? I’m such a weirdo. WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL?!

Intrusive Thoughts are Common

I don’t know if this is good news or bad news, but if you experience intrusive thoughts, you actually might be pretty normal! Pretty much everyone experiences intrusive worries like the ones mentioned above at some point in their lives, and this often happens in quiet moments. If you’re thinking, “well, my intrusive thoughts are a little more intense than those,” you’re still far from alone.  About 94% of people experience unwanted, intrusive thoughts that are not what feel like run of the mill worries. These thoughts can range from images of violence to fear of contamination to a sudden urge to hurt someone and more.

While experiencing intrusive thoughts can incite shame, I think it’s especially important to remember that these thoughts are just that…thoughts!  So, what is a thought anyway? Have you ever held one? Touched one? Observed one out walking in the wild? No? That’s because they’re tangibly nothing…no thing. So why in the world do we give them so much energy?  I think many of us believe that if we notice a thought, we must DO something with it, but this is completely unreasonable! Multiple studies suggest that most people have more than 6,000 thoughts in a day! There’s no way to respond to all of them, so why choose to respond to the ones that are the most dramatic?

But What Can I Do About Them?

I often tell patients, “You have no control over that thought that pops in, but once you notice it, you are in charge.”  Sometimes, starting off by thinking “on second thought” and then filling in with a more positive, reasonable alternative can help. Other times, you may be able to just observe the thought without judging it, trying to change it, or getting all emotionally tangled up in it.  Studies have shown that the vast majority of things we worry about NEVER happen anyway! Visualization techniques can be very helpful. You could picture a beautiful blue sky and your thoughts as passing clouds or visualize your thoughts as bubbles and see yourself popping them with a pin. Externalizing thoughts by writing them down or saying them aloud might help you see that they don’t have the power you believed they did, and they might seem even more ridiculous and less worthy of your attention!  Grounding techniques can also be very helpful. One of my favorites is the 5-4-3-2-1 method.  All you have to do is look around and name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This practice takes you from your mind where these thoughts might be swirling into your body as you move through the five senses. Thoughts still swirling? Just do it again!

Take Back Your Power

Ultimately, intrusive thoughts only hold as much power as you allow them. You likely didn’t produce the first thought that popped in, so focus on that second thought and reclaim your power!